On The Lot

Wow, how could a reality show with such good backing suck so badly?

I really had high hopes for On The Lot. The premise of the Fox show is that 18 undiscovered directors will compete for a $1 million movie deal with Dreamworks pictures. The show is produced by Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett. The judges are Gary Marshall, Carrie Fisher and a random director of the week.

But it’s bad!

There have been about four episodes so far and they’re down to the final 15 people. Over 12 thousand people supposedly submitted films, but I’m not very impressed by the quality of films that we’re being shown. I’m certain that 18 students from NYU or UCLA would put together better films. I also think 18 kids could be found on YouTube with films with more raw originality.

I’m disturbed at the weak subject matter. Between last week’s shorts and this week’s, we’ve seen a film about vomiting, two films about farting, one about giving birth (while refusing to get off a cell phone) and one about peeing and they were all boring and stupid. And it’s not adolescent boys making these films! Three of the films I mentioned were made by adult females.

I’m wondering what the problem is. Was there something wrong with the selection process? Did they choose photogenic people over creative people? Did they pick people who had worked in the industry before over truly raw talent?

I think Zach is the likely winner, since he has the edge with editing and post production special effects, but I wonder if the show will be canceled before it gets that far?

From the people who brought you NaNoWriMo...

From the people who brought you NaNoWriMo, comes Script Frenzy:

Script Frenzy is an international writing event in which participants attempt the creatively daring feat of writing an original, full-length screenplay—or stage play—in a single month. Spurred by a wild deadline and buoyed by a community of countless other writers, Script Frenzy participants can't be bothered with self-doubt—or editing. They're too busy writing by the seat of their pants, typing out beautiful, flawed stories that no one else could have dreamt up.

As part of a donation-funded nonprofit, Script Frenzy charges no fee to participate; there are also no valuable prizes awarded or "best" scripts singled out. Every writer who completes the goal of 20,000 words is victorious and awe-inspiring and will get a Script Frenzy Winner's Certificate and web icon proclaiming this fact. Even those who fall short of the word goal will be applauded for making a heroic attempt. Really, you have nothing to lose—except that nagging feeling that there's a script inside you that may never get out.

The 5 Basic Rules of Script Frenzy

1. To be crowned an official Script Frenzy winner, you must write a script of at least 20,000 words and verify this word count on ScriptFrenzy.org.
2. You may write individually or in teams of two. Writer teams will have a 20,000 total word goal for their single co-written script.
3. Script writing may begin no earlier than 12:00:01 AM on June 1 and must cease no later than 11:59:59 PM on June 30, local time.
4. You may write either a screenplay or a stage play.
5. You must, at some point, have ridiculous amounts of fun.

Are you tempted?

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Foreign Films

I swiped this idea, with some modifications, from jali's house. Below are some foreign films worth seeing. They aren't ranked in order of preference, or any particular order.

Rabbit-Proof Fence: An Australian film about some half-aborigine children who escape from an orphanage and go on an impossibly long trek to reunite with their family. Very sad.

Lagaan: An Indian film about a group of villagers who respond to a British wager and form a rag-tag cricket team. If they win the match, their villages will avoid the crushing British taxes for three years. If they lose, they'll have to pay three times as much. The film runs about four hours, so be prepared.

Dirty Pretty Things: Murder complicates the lives of illegal immigrants struggling to survive in London. Very sympathetic characters.

The "Up" Series: Starting in 1964 with Seven Up, British director Michael Apted began what has to be the longest-running reality series. A group of seven-year-old children were filmed and interviewed and every seven years a new film is released showing how they're doing. In the most recent movie, the "kids" are now 49-years-old.

Most of them turned out about the way you'd expect -- the wealthy kids with the benefits of good schooling ended up with good careers. The biracial kid whose mom put him in a boys home for a year when he was seven (because it was embarrassing back then for a white girl to have a black kid) ended up working factory jobs and running a forklift. There were some surprises, such as how badly all of the girls ended up emotionally regardless of economic background. And one guy from a solid middle-class background dropped out of university and began a long downward spiral into homelessness before being rescued by another subject who was the son of a missionary.

Once Were Warriors: A drunken, out of work, violent father. Two sons in gangs. A battered wife and her young daughter try to hold the family together. Sounds like any of a number of inner-city American movies, but this one takes place in New Zealand. Stars Temuera Morrison, long before his role as Jango Fett in Star Wars: Episode II.

Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love: Nope, not a porn movie. Actually, pretty damn depressing. A wealthy woman and her servant, whom she treats like shit, grow up together, grow apart, and have really bad luck with men. Stars Naveen Andrews (Sayid from Lost) as a mean asshole.

The Top 50 Movie Endings of All Time

Filmcritic.com has posted a list of the top 50 movie endings of all time. While I find some of the choices odd (the endings of A History of Violence, King of New York and Dead Again weren’t all that), I was glad to see that a few of my favorites -- The Thing, The Usual Suspects and The Empire Strikes Back -- in the mix. Surely Invasion of the Body Snatchers belongs here as well?

The list is here, but be warned -- spoilers abound.

Technorati tags: movies | film | critics | scifi | science-fiction

Sci-Fi and Fantasy Movie Suggestions

Sci-Fi and Fantasy Movie Suggestions

The other day I came across this list I’d made over 10 years ago of books I’ve read that I think would make good and/or profitable movies. I think I’ve changed my mind about some of them in the last decade. For now I’ll list them.

• A Matter for Men


• Darker Than You Think


• Death Angel’s Shadow


• Faerie Tale


• Legacy of Heorot


• Lord Valentine’s Castle


• Seventh Sun


• Songmaster


• The Anubis Gates


• The Dark is Rising


• The Dragonriders of Pern


• The Forgotten Beasts of Eld


• The Hunters’ Haunt


• The Many-Colored Land


• The Riddlemaster of Hed


• The Stress of Her Regard


• The White Hart

Also on my list were the following which have already been made, are in the process of being made, or could use a remake.

• The Chronicles of Narnia


• The Dark is Rising


• Watership Down

Later I’ll revisit the list and explain why I picked these particular stories.

King Kong

I finally got around to seeing King Kong, since the DVD came out this week. It was okay. I’d been warned that it was slow-moving, but the backstory stuff before we see Kong didn’t really drag that badly.

I found the “island savages” stuff distasteful, but expected. I was also disappointed in the fact that all three versions of the movie shed no light on how a human civilization could exist on an island with dinosaurs and at least one huge carnivorous ape. How did those people get there? How did they survive long enough to build a wall massive enough to keep out those big creatures? Why do they offer useless human sacrifices to Kong? And how old is Kong anyway? No answers are given.

Kong looked okay, but his face could’ve been more expressive. He had an elderly face, which was an interesting choice. That should’ve made him endearing, but he was mostly alien and unfathomable. His “love interest,” Ann, managed not to come off as shallow, yet no real reason was given for her to go out of her way to save Kong when he went on his rampage. The director failed to establish a real bond between the two.

Despite the shortcomings, I liked the look of the movie. I liked the Depression-era New York. I also was surprised that Jack Black was good in his role. I usually can’t stand him.

Grizzly Man

I saw a very disturbing documentary called Grizzly Man about two weeks ago. The film was about a naturalist named Timothy Treadwell who was so enamored of the grizzly bears in Alaska that he dedicated his life to studying them and living so close to them that they eventually killed him.

Treadwell is alternately portrayed as a caring, child-like soul and an egomaniacal asshole. The film combines footage shot by Treadwell himself in the months (and hours) leading up to his horrific death with interviews with friends and family shot by director Werner Herzog. The director tries hard not to be judgmental, but one can see that he views Treadwell's death as senseless.

Treadwell's pre-naturalist life seems senseless as well. He was a drug abuser, and he had tried his luck as an actor, narrowly losing to Woody Harrelson for the role on Cheers. Evidently losing that role was so devastating to Treadwell that he retreated from reality and sought solace as far away from civilization as possible -- with wild animals in Alaska.

The footage shot by Treadwell is really impressive. Over the years he had built up such a (misguided) confidence in his ability to approach bears, he got REALLY close to them. In many scenes he's, oh, 10 feet away from a full-grown male grizzly that is not tame. Probably the creepiest part of the movie is when he's talking to the camera about an older bear who has been having difficulty finding food and is starving. He warns the audience that this is the sort of bear that kills people and he jokingly says over his shoulder to the bear, "How about it? Are you the one that's going to kill me?" And of course, that is the one that eventually kills both Treadwell and his girlfriend.

The mauling, which is, admittedly, what everyone deep down really wants to see, is not in the film. Herzog surmises that the attack by the rogue bear happened so fast that Treadwell and his girlfriend never got the lens cap off of their camera. However, the camera was on in Treadwell's final moments and the audio of the attack was captured. Herzog doesn't let us hear that, which is for the best, I think. He does listen to it himself with headphones and also plays it for the coroner. They both react with horror, as you would expect. Evidently the bear bit Treadwell in the head and briefly released him. Treadwell was too badly hurt to get away, but he tried to tell his girlfriend to run. She didn't. She tried to attack the bear with a frying pan, with predictable results.

I wouldn't call this a great documentary, but it is thought-provoking and worth renting.

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe: The Movie

I went to a Saturday morning matinee showing of Narnia, and I’m satisfied with what they did with the movie. It’s been years since I’ve seen a major Sci-Fi or Fantasy movie in a theatre full of kids. That was the right audience to see the movie with -- I’d forgotten how they react to movies with less cynicism.

**SPOILERS!!**


For the most part the filmmakers remained true to the book. The things they did change added to the dramatic tension.

Added/altered scenes:

• Edmund endangers other members of his family by running back into his house to grab a picture of his father while the family is fleeing from the London blitz.


• Peter needles Edmund several times (“grow up,” “do what you’re told,” makes him wear a girl’s fur coat, etc.) early on, which makes the White Witch’s seduction of Edmund more plausible.


• Mr. Tumnus apparently drugs Lucy with some tainted tea and puts her to sleep with his pan pipes in creepy scene which must’ve made every parent in the audience who didn’t know the plot start thinking, “Oh my God -- pedophile.”


• Father Christmas gives Lucy and Susan weapons (a dagger and bow and arrows, respectively) in addition to the gifts they were given in the book. This is interesting since in the book the girls are specifically told not to fight because “when women get involved in war, it’s nasty.” Like war isn’t nasty to begin with. Duh.


• Aslan’s sacrifice was muted so much, the kids in the audience weren’t the least bit upset. That was a problem, I think. Either the kids didn’t buy that he was dead, or they didn’t relate to him as the loving savior that he is supposed to be. In contrast, the kids were much more upset when the witch clubbed the chained up faun Tumnus in the head in one scene. Perhaps they could relate to the faun more because he was frail and looked more human?


• In the book the only ones who know of Aslan’s death are the two girls. In the movie, the girls send word of Aslan’s death to their brothers and the army of good creatures, so they go into battle thinking they’re going to lose, which is good tension.


• The children’s personalities are more well defined in the movie, except, perhaps, for Peter, who is generically good, but not annoyingly so. Susan tries very hard to be logical, which is something all women are accused if not being. It’s hinted that Edmund may have a closer relationship than the other siblings with their absent father who is off fighting WWII, so he’s the one who’s lost his support system. Lucy is babyish and sensitive, and apparently incapable of holding a grudge.


• Susan is the only character besides the witch who straight up kills somebody. Although Peter does kill the wolf Maugrim who is menacing his sisters, it was essentially an accident since the wolf leapt on his sword. Susan on the other hand dismissively shoots the witch’s dwarf henchman in the heart when he tries to attack Edmund at the end of the movie. The kids in the audience liked that.

I’d say they’re off to a good start with the series. They could’ve made the witch scarier, but the movie was satisfactory.

Six more books to go.

Halloween Movies: “Ravenous”

Another little-known movie for your consideration:

Ravenous -- Starring Guy Pearce, better known for Memento.

It’s hard to come up with an “original” horror movie, but this one comes pretty damn close. The setting is the American West, sometime before the Civil War. A disgraced Army officer is assigned to a remote, sparsely manned fort where he assumes he can serve in obscurity. Things go awry, of course, and what follows is a unique story blending elements of the freakish (and true) Donner Party tragedy with the Native American legend of the wendigo.

Great subtitle: “You are who you eat.”

Halloween Movies

With Halloween approaching, I’d like to recommend three lesser known horror movies for your enjoyment:

• The Abominable Dr. Phibes -- Featuring Vincent Price and Joseph Cotton. This revenge plot centers on the reemergence of a organist thought to be dead who seeks out the ten people involved in the death of his wife. The tale skillfully mixes in humor with events from the Old Testament.

• Snow White: A Tale of Terror -- Featuring Sigourney Weaver and Sam Neill. A creepy retelling of the familiar Brothers Grimm fairy tale. If you think you know the story, you’ll be thrown off by some of what goes on in the movie.

• Dead of Night -- A group of strangers gathered at an English estate share tales of the supernatural, some amusing, some sinister. The ending is clever.

I’ll add some more movies as I review my DVD collection in the next two weeks.

Hustle & Flow

I finally got around to seeing this movie today. I can't understand why this story of a pimp having a mid-life crisis was well-received at the Sundance Film Festival and got favorable reviews from Rolling Stone, Village Voice, New York Times, USA Today, both Ebert and Roeper, Time Magazine, etc.

Wow.

What did these people see that I didn't see?

What I saw was a movie about DJ, a man in his mid to late thirties who makes a meager living by pimping three not very attractive whores, one of whom can't whore right now because she's about 8-months pregnant and another who has a toddler. The only one in the household consistently bringing home the bacon is DJ's teen-aged white whore, whose name I've already forgotten. In exchange for whoring, the women get to live with DJ in his dilapidated house in a poor neighborhood.

An old father-figure (Isaac Hayes) tells DJ that a remote acquaintance of the pimp who is now a major rap star will be back in town on the 4th of July and needs a supply of quality weed. DJ gets it in his head that this is his big chance. He runs into a small-time recording engineer and convinces the man to help him make a demo. The pair are joined by a white guy who likes rap and knows how to play piano and use a sampler.

The trio build a home studio at DJ’s place using the money DJ's white whore earns by screwing men in their cars. All she asks for in return is a little attention and a chance to sit with the AC on for awhile. Aww!

When DJ's song needs some oomph, he gets the pregnant whore to sing some of his lyrics and pressures her until it comes out right. When the whore with the toddler gets sick of the changes in the household and mouths off at DJ and the other girls in her frustration, DJ does the manly thing and puts her ass out on the street. He picks up her son in his walker and puts him on the sidewalk as well.

The engineer neglects his wife and leaves her in the dark to speculate about what he’s doing in a house full of whores. One day she decides she’s wrong to be upset about her man’s sleazy new friends so she makes sandwiches and comes over to feed everyone. Aww!

DJ's big day arrives. The pregnant ho gives him a thick gold chain and a medallion she bought him for good luck. Evidently her pimp needs this expenditure of money from her more than her unborn child does. She gets a big wet kiss in return.

DJ goes to the rundown club to supply weed to the rapper in the hope that the rapper will remember him and listen to his demo. The arrogant rapper doesn't know him from Adam, but he does appreciate the weed. DJ manages to keep the conversation going most of the night and he finally gets the rapper to take his demo tape. But when DJ goes to the men's room he finds the rapper passed out on the floor and the demo tape in the toilet. DJ beats the rapper bloody, shoots one the rapper's bodyguards, flees to his home and is arrested and sent to prison.

But all is not lost for our hero! The unappreciated white ho, on whose tricks the studio was built and the demo made, takes charge and shops the demo around to local DJ's and radio stations. DJ's song becomes a hit and by the time his bid is up, he's already famous enough that two prison guards give him a demo tape to listen to as he's walking out of prison. The viewer is left to muse on whether DJ will arrogantly flush their tape down the toilet too.

Why would anyone think this is a good movie? A selfish man makes money off of weak women whom he can't even say thank you to for helping him start a presumably lucrative career. That's the whole thing in a nutshell. In fact, he doesn't thank the pianist or the engineer either. The only one who gets a thank you from DJ is the father-figure whose reward for introducing DJ to the rapper is to have his club shot up.

The one good thing about this movie? Terence Howard is very handsome, even with the stupid poofy Southern curled hair. But he's a better actor than this role shows.

Dungeon Siege Movie Coming 2006. WHY??

Okay, time to vent again about the state of the movie industry.

Why the hell do they make these stupid video game movies and comic book movies and remakes of movies instead of MAKING NEW MOVIES?

Do we really need a movie based on Dungeon Siege, a typical Dungeons & Dragons rip-off game?

What really tickles me is that the people behind it think very highly of the project:

"This is a very dark, epic picture in the tradition of the Sergio Leone Westerns that blends the imaginative action of 'Hero' and 'House of Flying Daggers.'"

Oh, get over yourself already.

The best part is the cast. Ray Liotta is the lead. He's joined by Burt Reynolds, John Rhys-Davies, and Matthew Lillard, who played Shaggy in the Scooby-Doo movies.

LOL!

But, yo, why is John Rhys-Davies involved in this? Didn't he get paid enough from LOTR? I saw him last year in a shitty dragon movie on the Sci-Fi Channel, too. Is he bad with money, or will he just do anything?

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If I'm Ever the Hero

One of the most useful tools I’ve ever come across for detecting if your story has a bullshit villain is Peter Anspach’s Evil Overlord List. I first discovered it back in ’96. This list contains every cliché you’ve ever groaned at in any Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Superhero or Spy genre book, tv show or movie. The list is written from the point of view of an aspiring Evil Overlord who wants to make sure that he/she doesn’t “go out like a sucka,” to quote Mace Windu, er, Samuel Jackson.

The thinking-man’s Evil Overlord doesn’t make these mistakes. They’re so 20^th century!

• My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
• My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
• One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
• When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
• I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

There are literally hundreds more where those came from on Anspach’s site.

Tonight I stumbled across some companions to the Evil Overlord’s List from the POV of the Hero, Sidekick and True Love. They aren’t as extensive as the original list, but you’re sure to recognize all sorts of “stupid hero tricks.”

Samples from the “Things I Will Do if I Am Ever the Hero” list:

1. When I am advised to destroy a magical artifact taken from the Evil Overlord, I will do so. [This goes out to Isildur]
2. Anyone inquiring after the secret of my strength will be fed a line of plausible baloney as to how this strength can be lost. If the bogus advice is followed, the leak shall be properly investigated.
3. If my Mentor tells me that I am not yet ready to confront the Evil Overlord, I will quietly accept his judgment and remain to complete my training. [Shout out to Luke.]
4. If I am granted a vision of the future, I will not try to prevent anything that I see. It never works. [Anakin, this means you]
5. When my powerful wizard friend fails to return at the appointed time, I won't wait until after my birthday to start my Perilous Journey. I will set out immediately. [Frodo, can you hear me?]
   

Samples From The “Things I Will Do if I Am Ever the Sidekick” list:

1. If the hero tells me to stay put while he goes on ahead, I will do so instead of sneaking around and getting captured.
2. I will be quiet and try to stay sober most of the time. If I get drunk and sing bawdy songs at the top of my lungs, I will attract prostitutes who are really working for the Evil Overlord.
3. When the Hero tosses me his car keys, I will toss them back, and take the bus. Let the car bomb blow him up for a change.
4. If the Hero is fated to slay certain entities, the Evil Overlord in particular, this means that I will not slay them, and should avoid trying.
5. I will not goad bad guys with statements like "over my dead body."

Samples from the “Things I Will Do if I Am ever the True Love” list:

1. If I have a friend who never seems to be around when the Hero shows up and clobbers the Bad Guys, I will draw the appropriate conclusions.
2. If the Evil Overlord tries to force me into marriage, I will insist on a ceremony so expensive that it will debilitate his industrial capacity. I will be picky about the tiniest details of the ceremony and change my mind frequently so that the resulting delay will give the Hero more time to rescue me.
3. After being forced into a compromising situation, I will not grab a weapon from the Bad Guy and toss it to the Hero when he walks in; I will instead grab a weapon from the Bad Guy and use it on him myself, before the Hero walks in.
4. When the Evil Overlord forces me to help betray the Hero, I will make a show of resistance and then feign capitulation. I will then use whatever resources are placed at my disposal to screw the Evil Overlord (in a metaphorical sense, of course).
5. I will never vow to slay the killer of my brother or other near relative; there is a fair-to-middling chance that the Hero did it, that it was an accident, and that I won't learn he did it until after I fall in love with him.

Hugh Jackman To Helm 'Wolverine' Film

From SyFy Portal:

For some, starring as a lead in a movie is quite an achievement. But for Jackman, it's just the tip of the iceberg as the Australian born actor's new-born Seed Productions has signed a first-look deal with 20th Century Fox, meaning Jackman himself will be producing the movie.

Even through I think comic book movies totally suck, I think Hugh Jackman does a good job as Wolverine. And I thought Van Helsing was a riot.

But I will not pay to see this movie. LOL!

The Dark Is Rising

This is old news, but I'm pleased that Susan Cooper's "The Dark Is Rising Sequence" is being developed as a movie. This series of young adult books is like the Narnia books in that it concerns British children that get caught up in a good vs. evil struggle with fantasy beings, but I recall it being somewhat more disturbing.

"Dark" is in the title, afterall.

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The Trouble with Harry

I suffered through Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets to see the Narnia trailer.

Before I get to the trailer, I have a few comments about Harry Potter. I fully realize that it’s unfair of me to judge the Harry Potter books by the movies.

But I’m going to do it anyway.

I really only have one complaint about him – he’s a walking violation of the “show don’t tell” rule found in every good writing book. Throughout the movies people come up to him and say, "You're the great Harry Potter!" I don't want to hear that you're great -- you better show me you're great by your deeds. Your ancestry means jack to me -- what have you done?

Harry is alternately bullied or praised, not because of what he’s actually done, but because of his pedigree and potential. Bad guys hate him because they hated his parents. Good guys like him because they think he’ll be powerful one day. People assume that he’s intelligent and is a good student, but time after time, his female sidekick studies harder, works harder, knows more spells and saves everyone’s ass. Frankly, the story ought to be about her. Unfortunately, she's somewhat irritating.

Harry gets special treatment from his school’s administrators because he’s blessed. When he breaks a rule, he’s not punished, since rules shouldn’t apply to him. Oddly, Harry seems to be unaware of the special treatment he receives from the headmaster and others. He acts as if he actually expects to be punished or expelled when he breaks rules; however, he doesn’t seem ashamed when he gets a free pass. You would think that being showered with undeserved props would bother an individual who isn’t, you know, an insufferable asshole.

Anyway, enough about Harry.

The Narnia trailer was a disappointment. Mind you, it didn’t suck. The film quality looked good, the kids didn’t look haughty, the cgi looked decent. However, there was no freaking dialogue! I was really hoping that it would be like the Revenge of The Sith trailer shown during The O.C. -- a teaser that really whets the appetite. Instead, there were a lot of brief flashes of images that give the uninitiated no clue what the movie will be about.

They’re going to have to do better than that.

Aslan looked a little too cgi (something about his movements) and the White Witch didn't look "icy" enough, though her flat black eyes did look evil. Actually, she looks a lot like Galadriel. The battle scenes appeared to be of the quality of Lord of The Rings.

Transformers Movie Coming in 2006

They're making a Transformers live-action movie. I'm trying to decide if this is a good thing or not. Isn't this twenty years late? Is there any possibility that this will not be shitty?

Having said that, I always liked the DinoBots. They had poor self-esteem, they were incredibly strong, and they were very, very stupid. Especially that T-Rex. Very thin-skinned. And you thought Anakin was bad.

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Get this -- they're saying the Transformers have lived on Earth as far back as biblical times. What the hell? I must've missed the episode when Optimus Prime transformed into the Ark of the Covenant.

Upcoming Movies

Checking out IMDB, there's not too much on the horizon as far as movies go. I have my doubts about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, though I did like it when I read it back in the early 80's.

May is all about Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith. Everything else will be destroyed. It's the Summer of Sith!

June will be dead for me. I have absolutely no desire to see Batman. Bewitched might actually be funny, but I don't pay to see comedies.

War of the Worlds comes out in July. I can't see how this could not be decent. I hear that Lucas is pissed that Spielberg is going to be eating in ROTS's take. Actually, I'm pissed too. Not about the money -- nothing good ever gets released in August or September. I wish they would push the release back a bit.

The Fantastic Four comes out in July also. Again, I'm not interested. I don't care for comic book movies. I'm sick of that genre.

August looks as bad as June. I hope the Doom movie tanks. Video game movies suck too.

September. Bad as well. The Johnny Depp/Tim Burton movie Corpse Bride is the only thing vaguely interesting. To me, anyway.

November. Nada! I will not pay to see a Harry Potter movie.

December. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Can it be the next Lord of The Rings? Probably not. But it will be one of only three movies I pay to see in 2005.

Also in December: King Kong. Can Peter Jackson do well with a script not based on one of the best written stories of all time? His zombie movies weren't just bad -- they were awful. I have my doubts here. The fact that Jack Black is the male lead makes me roll my eyes. I hope PJ proves me wrong.

If King Kong bombs, does that make it more likely or less likely that we'll see The Hobbit by 2009?

"U Want Me 2 Kill Him?"

Now this is how you start a freaking story:

Sometimes, as night falls over Greater Manchester, the ingenious adolescent returns to the place where he was stabbed last year, when he was 14. The boy is tall for his age, but slight, with olive skin, a long crooked nose, and dark, intelligent eyes framed by thick black brows poised for flight. The stab wounds still pain him. One in the chest—that was the light wound—and another in the abdomen, six inches deep, which pierced his kidney and liver and necessitated the removal of his gallbladder. It was from this injury that the teenager almost died on the operating table—twice, police tell me.

Kickass, no?

This article by Judy Bachrach in the February 2005 issue of Vanity Fair has been optioned already as a movie to be directed by Bryan Singer.

Top 100 Movies: Observations

I've seen 79 of the 100 movies on the list I posted the other day.

Some things I noticed:

• Only one of these movies has a black protagonist -- Cidade de Deus.
  
• There are actually movies with female protagonists on the list: Silence of the Lambs, All About Eve, The Wizard of Oz, Alien, Aliens, Annie Hall, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Fargo and The Princess Bride. Nine movies.
  
• There are only two horror movies on the list -- Jaws and The Shining -- though you might make a case for Alien, Donnie Darko, Psycho or Se7en. How is The Exorcist not on this list?
  
• I don't think any of the movies have a gay main character, unless the Peter Lorre character in M was gay. That wasn't clear to me when I saw the movie.
  
• There's only one Western -- High Noon -- on the list. How is Shane not on this list?
  
• Surprisingly, there's only one Holocaust movie on the list: Schindler's List.
  
• There are 8 War movies on the list: Lawrence of Arabia, Apocalypse Now, Paths of Glory, Das Boot, The Bridge on the River Kwai, Saving Private Ryan, The Great Escape and The General. Where's Platoon? Stalag 17? Full Metal Jacket?
  
• The Crime genre is well represented: The Godfather, The Godfather II, Pulp Fiction, The Usual Suspects, Goodfellas, Double Indemnity, M, Se7en, Touch of Evil, Reservoir Dogs and A Clockwork Orange. 11 movies.
  
• If you lump Sci-Fi and Fantasy together, there's an impressive presence on the list: Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, The Matrix, Alien, Aliens, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Metropolis, Blade Runner, The Return of the King, The Two Towers, The Fellowship of the Ring, Raiders of the Lost Ark, It's a Wonderful Life, The Wizard of Oz, Finding Nemo, The Sixth Sense, Donnie Darko, A Clockwork Orange and The Princess Bride. That's 19 movies, but The Princess Bride doesn't belong here. Donnie Darko is a personal favorite, but no way is it one of the 100 greatest movies of all time.
  
• There are only two children's movies here -- The Wizard of Oz and Finding Nemo. Where are Shrek and The Lion King?
  
• Braveheart is the only period piece on the list. How is that possible?
  
• There are four Stanley Kubrick movies, four Alfred Hitchcock movies, three Quentin Tarantino movies, three Francis Ford Coppola movies and two Steven Spielberg movies. Is Tarantino really as good a director as these heavyweights? Please.