Sunday, July 31, 2005

BSG: Fragged (1)

I drink, therefore I am.

Crashdown’s team on Kobol holds a funeral for the two men who died. Later they spy some Cylons building a missile battery.

On Galactica, Doctor Dutch’s ship finally docks and he rushes to sickbay with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He does remember to put it out before entering the ICU. He’s briefed by the other medics and he surmises that Adama is still hemorrhaging somewhere. He kicks Tigh out and starts operating and barking orders at his assistants.

Tigh listens to the negative chatter from the doctors and gets scared. He slips away to a side corridor to have a healthy gulp from a flask he keeps in his boot. Billy catches him and asks for some meds for Laura. Tigh blows him off. He then wanders up to the bridge and yells at Lee for being there instead of in the brig.

Lee informs him that he’s organizing a rescue mission and Tigh asks for who? He goes into a mini rant about, "There’s a ship missing and no one told me?"

There’s a long silence then they remind him that there are people on Kobol who are waiting to be rescued. Tigh looks like an ass.

Gaeda tells Tigh that the reporters that were detained when Tigh and Adama arrested the president want to know when they’ll be released. Dualla tells Tigh that the Quorum of Twelve is on a ship waiting to dock and they are demanding that they meet with him concerning the state of the president.

“It’s a demanding job commanding a Battlestar,” Lee smirks.

On Kobol, Crashdown’s team deduces that the anti-aircraft battery is being built in anticipation of the Galactica coming to rescue the raptor’s crew.


Saturday, July 30, 2005


I'm very proud of myself. This morning I took down my suitcase and started packing for the cruise I'm going on starting next Sunday. Usually I'm not this proactive about packing. I usually wait until 3 a.m. on the morning of my flight to pack. This guarantees that I'll be tired and irritable (even more than usual!) for at least the first 36 hours of the trip.

But this time I packed a week ahead! And I packed so efficiently that there's room in my suitcase.

You know what that means?

I have to go shopping and buy more shit so that my suitcase is too heavy to carry!

Friday, July 29, 2005

BSG: Valley of Darkness

Apologies to The Box and Aurelius for not getting back to them with more Galactica stuff. I've been wrapped up in the Survivor: Tatooine game for the last few weeks. General Grievous and Mace Windu have been voted off.

When the season premier ended, the Galactica had survived yet another close encounter with Cyclon ships, only this time a large Cylon ship crashed into the side of the Galactica and penetrated the hull.

The episode starts with Billy and Dualla, my favorite couple, coming across each other in the hallway and acting awkward. They can't be a couple anymore because Billy's boss, the President, has been arrested by D's boss, Adama. Oh poor star crossed lovers! Boo hoo!

Cut to Adama in what passes for the ICU. There's a big red line down his chest where the unqualified medic cut him open to relieve pressure on his heart, or some shit, in the first episode. Tigh is looking down at Adama worriedly. What worries me is, how the fuck can you not have a mask on and some scrubs, Tigh? You want to give him an infection to go with his gunshot wounds?

The lights start to flicker. Galactica's electrical systems are still in scary shape because Gaeda networked the computers and the Cylons installed a virus on the ship.

Cut to the hangar bay where the "nuggets" high five each other and feel good about themselves for repelling the latest Cylon attack. They feel good until Lee reminds them they screwed up and let one through.

Back in CIC the chubby guy that works with Gaeda (what's his name?) gets a call from some other part of the ship that Cylons have been spotted. The Galactica has been boarded.

Back to the nuggets and Apollo. The power is down all over the ship and the nuggets and Apollo are walking back to the barracks or CIC or something. One nugget is walking backwards and running his mouth. He's very happy. You know he's gonna die, right?

He does.

A Cylon jumps out from behind a corner, unfurls its claws and disembowels the dude. Someone manages to fire a few shots and the group runs, screaming like mofos, back the way they came. I loved how they looked so scared. No one ever looked scared when the
Enterprise got boarded. Shouldn't they have been scared?

Some Marines show up before the Viper pilots are decimated. They blow off the head of the Cylon with an explosive round, but they reveal, of course, that they have no more explosive rounds and nothing else can stop a Centurion.

Lee sends Hot Dog to CIC with a note that he's going to go "toaster shopping" with the Marines.

On the bridge, Gaeda send a message out to the rest of the fleet that the Galactica has been boarded and they are not to approach or attempt to dock.

In the brig visiting the President, Billy hears gunshots. Laura asks the corporal guarding her (apparently a very religious man) to let her out of her cell, since she doesn't want to get "shot like a rat in a cage." He lets her out just as someone starts opening the door to the brig. It's Lee and the Marines. Lee advises the corporal to take the President and Billy to sickbay, which is designed to function as an autonomous disaster shelter. Lee gives a gun to Billy, but Laura refuses one. Lee intends to lead his team to the small arms locker a few decks below to get some explosive rounds.

On Caprica, Helo apologizes to Starbuck for having a relationship with a Cylon. She isn't very kind, instead repeatedly letting him know that he's a "frakking idiot." Helo still seems to think that there's a real human Sharon on Galactica. He doesn't get that all of the Sharons are Cylons. It's not clear if Starbuck thinks that Galactica-Sharon is human also. She was not there when the shooting of Adama occurred.

Starbuck takes Helo back to her apartment.

Back on Galactica, Gaeda and the chubby guy try to repair the damage caused by the Cylon virus and keep up to date on the Cylons on board the ship. They show Tigh where the latest sightings put the Cylons and Tigh deduces the plan. The Cylons are trying to override the decompression safeties and vent everyone into space. With everyone dead they will then turn the Galactica's guns on the fleet.

Back on Kobol Baltar has a dream that they've been saved by Adama. Baltar is holding a baby and Adama asks to hold it. He then takes the baby to a river and drowns it.

Baltar wakes up agitated. "He killed our baby!" he wails to Number 6. Number 6 shows him he's been sleeping around a bunch of human skeletons. She says it's a sign of human sacrifice. She says it'll happen again, but only if he lets it.

Back on Galactica the Marines and Lee and the Latina nugget pilot come across people who've been mauled by the Cylons. They make it to the small arms locker where there are more bodies and one electrician is hiding. They find only six explosive rounds.

Back on Caprica, Helo marvels at Kara's apartment, which looks like a squatter's shelter. She's graffittied on her own walls. She has some oil paintings that show the chaotic state of her mind. Kara slips on an old leather jacket that apparently was her father's. Helo complains that there's no food, but she kicks back and lights a cigar. Feeling introspective, Kara has a monologue about how she always hated her apartment and how she didn't really lose anything when the attack happened. "Everyone I know is fighting to get back what they had. I'm fighting because I don't know how to do anything else."

Back on Galactica, Laura's team comes across more grisly remains of people maimed by the Cylons on their march through the ship.
Dualla is there and is alive, but she's in a daze. A concussion caused by being grazed by a bullet? I suppose it could happen. The group can hear the not too distant sounds of gunfire, so Laura asks the corporal to find an alternate route to sickbay.

In CIC Gaeda and "Chubbs" update their tactical board and inform Tigh that three Cylons have been destroyed and one is trapped in the laundry room. Tigh is still certain that the remaining ones are heading for the aft damage control area to execute the venting plan. Another report comes in and Tigh announces that there is nothing between the last two Cylons and the decompression safeties. "If you know any prayers, now's the time."

On Kobol, Callie and Tyrol hike back to Crashdown's camp. Callie gives Tyrol a pep talk with ends with her calling him a "motherfrakker." He seems to find that funny, though and he is able to go on without brooding over their comrade's death.

Baltar stumbles back to camp and Crashdown chews Balter out for wandering off and tells him to call him "sir." Baltar looks scared and disoriented. Callie and Tyrol arrive and give the medicine to the medic, but she says it's too late for Socinus, who was injured in the crash. She says they can ease his pain by ODing him. Tyrol asks Crashdown to make the decision, but Crashdown puts it back on Tyrol. Tyrol administers the lethal dose himself.

Back on Galactica the electrician is able to jimmy together a working phone and Lee calls the bridge. Tigh tells Lee to haul ass to aft damage control to stop the remaining two Cylons.

Laura's team tries to go through the enlisted head to get to sickbay, but the door is frozen. The corporal suggests an alternate route through, you guessed it, the aft damage control area. Dualla advises Billy that if he's going to walk around with a pistol in his pants like a gangsta, he needs to turn the safety on. Why the warning? He’s dickless already, so...

Okay, that was mean. LOL.

Lee's people take position in front of the aft damage control to await the Cylons. Unwittingly approaching them are Laura's people.
Dualla tells Billy to take the safety off and he accidentally cracks off a shot in Laura's direction. One of the two Cylons heading for Apollo's position hears the shot and turns to face Laura's group. The Cylons and Apollo's people start unloading their guns and Laura screams and hits the deck. Two of Apollo's Marines are killed, but both Cylons are destroyed.

The religious corporal checks to see if Laura is okay. Billy's bullet went through her clothes and she is unharmed. His belief that she is blessed by the gods becomes even stronger. Dualla takes the gun from Billy, FINALLY.

Back on Caprica, Kara finishes her cigar. She checks her coat pocket and finds a set of car keys. "Tired of walking?" she grins. She and Helo jump into her humvee and head off who knows where.

Back on Galactica, D gets some medical attention in sickbay. She and Billy have a heart to heart then draw the curtains to get busy.

In another part of sickbay, Tigh informs Lee and Laura that Doctor "Dutch" is on the way. Laura comforts Lee, then Tigh has her taken back to her cell. Tigh confronts Lee and says, "I can believe you sided with her against the old man. You're not fit to wear the uniform."

"You're right. Maybe I never was. Then again, neither are you," Lee replies. He reminds Tigh that it's papa Adama's ship, not Tigh's. Lee kisses his father's head, then he too leaves.

"Thank the gods I didn't have kids," Tigh mutters. He pulls up a seat next to Adama and begins a long vigil.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Signs of the Apocalypse

This is how you know you're done.

I'm bored hearing the same songs over and over on my MP3 player, so I go to to see what the top 20 R&B singles are.

Who is "Bobby Valentino"? Who is "Pretty Ricky"? Will Bobby and Ricky be around in 5 years? 10?

On a hunch I click on the "1 Year Ago" button to see if I know any of those guys.

Move Ya Body by "Nina Sky featuring Jabba" was the number 4 cut.


This is looking bad.

I click the "5 Years Ago" button.

Okay, I feel a little better. I recognize the names "Sisquo," "Toni Braxton," and some others.

Still, shouldn't I know more than just the chorus of two songs?

I click the "10 Years Ago" button.

Much better! I know the top five songs! I remember some of the videos! I actually own number 3, One More Chance by Notorious B.I.G.! I am familiar with 14 of the top 25 songs!

I click the "15 Years Ago" button.

Slightly worse than 10 years ago. I know 12 of the songs and own The Power by Snap.


It's been a loooong time since I cared about music, huh?

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Battlestar Galactica DVD at Best Buy

Best is now selling the Battlestar Galactica Season One (Uk Version) DVD.

The set is $48.99 and it shows the episodes as they aired on the UK's SkyOne network. Evidently there's a different opening than the U.S. version. You get all 13 episodes on four disks plus deleted scenes. DVDs have been formatted to be compatible with most North American DVD players.

Meanwhile, is taking orders for the U.S. version of season one, available September 20, for $41.99. With the U.S. version you apparently get a five disk set that includes the 2003 miniseries and the producer's commentaries.

Sounds like the Amazon deal is the way to go if you have patience. If you already have the miniseries, sell it on eBay.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Summer Cheese

Scraping the bottom of the barrel again...

1. What did you do on your summer vacation?

I'm about to go on a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean.

2. If you could stop time, what would you do?

I'd use the time to sleep, then write and draw.

3. What is your hidden talent?

I'm a great listener.


4. What's your dream house like?

5. What's your favorite hand or arm gesture?

"V" for victory.

Monday, July 25, 2005

The Vampire Gambit


An Italian couple stole 50,000 euros from a woman in the Sicilian city of Palermo after convincing her they were vampires who would impregnate her with the son of the Anti-Christ if she did not pay them.

I have to remember to try this the next time I need some cash.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Anecdotal Leads for News Stories Reporting the End of the World

There's always something weird McSweeney's site. This time he's posting bogus news leads for newspaper features on the end of the world.

After carefully parking his red Toyota Matrix in the lot outside Dick's Sporting Goods, John P. Boyce strode briskly into the West Burlington store.

He was looking for rain gear on a day when rain gear would not be enough.

'The prices are outrageous,' said Boyce, 58, of West Street, as he sifted through brightly colored slickers and tall rubber boots. 'Then again, I guess you could say it's a seller's market.'

An hour later, it was a nobody's market.

- - - -

Tamika Carter had dieted all spring to lose 28 pounds in time for the Independence Day weekend. She skipped lunches and jogged each night after returning home from her job at the Pancake Circus.

'I always try to lose weight before summer,' the 27-year-old Sacramento waitress said. 'You want to look good on the beach.'

But this summer, looking good on the beach would turn out to be far less important than Carter could have imagined.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

New Mexico: Cleaner Than Regular Mexico

This t-shirt that is being sold by Urban Outfitters is clearly offensive, as it conjures up the stereotype of the "Dirty Mexican."

But Presidente Vicente Fox doesn't have a leg to stand on now, right?

What goes around, comes around.

Friday, July 22, 2005


They finally fixed the "Veteran's Reward" feature on Star Wars Galaxies, so when I logged on tonight I got seven presents!

  • A hologram of a Corellian Corvette (ex: the ship used by Bail Organa in Episode III and Princess Leia in Ep. IV)
  • A hologram of the Death Star
  • A hologram of a Jedi Starfighter
  • A statue of Jabba the Hutt
  • A statue of R2-D2
  • A statue of C-3PO
  • And a varactyl! (ex: Boga, the giant iguana ridden by Obi-Wan in Episode III)

Above is a picture of me riding my creature.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Dungeon Siege Movie Coming 2006. WHY??

Okay, time to vent again about the state of the movie industry.

Why the hell do they make these stupid video game movies and comic book movies and remakes of movies instead of MAKING NEW MOVIES?

Do we really need a movie based on Dungeon Siege, a typical Dungeons & Dragons rip-off game?

What really tickles me is that the people behind it think very highly of the project:

"This is a very dark, epic picture in the tradition of the Sergio Leone Westerns that blends the imaginative action of 'Hero' and 'House of Flying Daggers.'"

Oh, get over yourself already.

The best part is the cast. Ray Liotta is the lead. He's joined by Burt Reynolds, John Rhys-Davies, and Matthew Lillard, who played Shaggy in the Scooby-Doo movies.


But, yo, why is John Rhys-Davies involved in this? Didn't he get paid enough from LOTR? I saw him last year in a shitty dragon movie on the Sci-Fi Channel, too. Is he bad with money, or will he just do anything?

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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The Mother of All Gummy Bears

Have you ever wanted to make a 13-pound Gummy Bear?

Then this is for you!

Teddy: Pictures of Matt's Giant Gummy Bear

But what does it taste like, I wonder??

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Public Service Announcement

I never do PSA's, but this is too important not to pass along.

You owe it to yourself to sign up for the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's email list to get information about product recalls.

I first heard about this list in a magazine and I signed up immediately. The amount of products that get recalled is truely scary. I receive emails 1-3 times a week describing products on the market that have caused death or injury.

Over 50% of the recalls are for products designed for infants and children under ten. If that applies to someone in your household, go to the link below, pick the third bullet ("All recalls only") and enter a valid email address.

I promise they won't spam you.

On-line Form for CPSC Subscription Lists

Monday, July 18, 2005

Tom Cruise, Sith Lord

I don't know who created this, but this is funny as hell! LOL!

Sunday, July 17, 2005


I have nothing to talk about today, so I went to Cheddar X's site to look for a quick list of bullshit to blog about.

1. How many times a day do you wash your hands?

Six times or so. And I use hand sanitizer a lot.

2. How often do you get the flu that's going around?

Almost never. I've gotten the flu maybe three times in the last 20 years. I'm not healthy at all -- I just don't seem to be in contact with sick people.

3. How often are you really "sick" when you take a sick day?

Well, I'm mentally ill, so the answer is always.

4. Who would you like to see in a cage match?

Bush and a polar bear.

5. Name 3 things you absolutely love.

Paella. Beren. Electronic devices.

6. If you had to give 2 of them up which would they be (and why)?

Shit! I could give up paella and electronic devices. Not my puppy.

7. Name 3 things you absolutely loathe.

Dust with hair in it. Mice. Icy weather.

8. What is your all time favorite memory EVER?

Honestly, I have no idea. Everything has been tainted.

9. What is the one thing that happened in high school that would make you avoid your class reunion?

There's nothing that happened that would make me avoid a reunion. I would avoid a reunion because a) no one would remember me and b) I haven't become wealthy and people go to those things to show off.

10. What is your dream job, no matter how untrained you might be or unrealistic and bizarre it might be?

Working on special effects for a major motion picture would be something I'd be proud to do.

11. If you could write yourself into any tv show, which show and how would you do it?

I would like to be on the upcoming Star Wars TV show. As a Jedi, of course.

12. If you could replace anyone on a tv show, who would you choose to replace on what show and why?

I only watch three shows -- Lost, Battlestar Galactica and Deadwood -- and I'm pleased with the casting of each. Except maybe Jamie Bamber on Galactica. But he may improve.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

BSG: Season 2 Premiere (Quickie)

Just a quick overview, since I've been sleeping all day and I need to post creatively in two other blogs by midnight.
  • Tigh is in over his head and his subordinates miss Adama's leadership already. Check.

  • Flashbacks to the beginnings of the friendship between Tigh and Adama. Check.

  • Ellen Tigh is still being manipulative. Check.

  • Laura seems more sane, now that she's in the joint. Check.

  • Starbuck and Helo have been ditched by Caprica-Boomer, so they're in deep shit. Check.

  • The survivors of the downed raptor on Kobol are being lead by the incompetent Crash Down, so they're in deep shit too. Check.
Off to a good start, I'd say.

Friday, July 15, 2005


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What the hell is up with my Google ads?

I noticed last night that they had all changed to give links to small-time job search sites specializing in diversity.


Is it because I had the words"Mexican" and "Black" in the same post a few days ago??

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Survivor: Tatooine!

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Yours truly has been invited to join a role-playing blog experience called Survivor: Tatooine!

Sixteen characters from the Star Wars universe are competing for 1 million fictional credits. The competition takes place on the planet that's farthest from the bright center of the galaxy. Who will win? Who will survive? Will the Sandpeople kill us all?

These are the teams, with links to their in-character blogs:

Ooteeni Tribe
Anakin Skywalker
Count Dooku
Han Solo
Jedi Siri
Mace Windu
Captain Typho
Master Yoda

Mabbitt Tribe
Aayla Secura
Fluke Starbucker *
General Grievous
Jar Jar Binks
Princess Leia
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Emperor Palpatine
Qui-Gon Jinn

According to Jawa Juice who is running the game, the tribe names have been taken from ancient Jawa sayings. "Ooteeni" means "Holy crap! I’m being eaten by a bloody great Dewback!" "Mabbitt" means, "WTF?"

Which of the above characters am I playing, you ask?

Check out the game and the other blogs in the "Star Wars United" clique to find out.

[And if you do know (like, if you're also playing in the game), don't spoil it for the lurkers!]

*He says he's not Luke... but I have my doubts.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Spy Photo of Aslan

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Okay, that was silly. (smile)

From Qui-Gon to Aslan!

From Ain't It Cool News:

"It was reported earlier that Brian Cox was going to be the voice of Aslan in the new Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe film. But not anymore -- Cox never even recorded a line of dialogue and instead they brought in another actor for the role of the Christ/Lion...

Liam Neeson will be the voice of Aslan. He's recorded his dialogue and the animation is proceeding nicely. "

Yay! Old Qui-Gon Jinn had a kind voice.

I would've liked Keith David, though.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

I Hate

Current Music: Dedicated To The One I Love -- The Temprees
Current Mood: Bored shitless.
Food/Drink: Vanilla Pepsi

I hate rock. Those guys can't freaking sing.

I hate bitches who stand with their backs to you in the elevator and toss their hair in your face.

I hate when the stove isn't clean.

I hate sweat.

I hate people who don't look where they're going.

I hate Mondays. And Tuesdays. And Wednesdays.

I hate stew.

I hate when people say, "What's the matter?"

I hate mice.

I hate worms.

I hate corned beef.

I hate colors that glow.

Monday, July 11, 2005

BSG Season Two: Wishlist

Rather than try to predict what will happen in season two of Battlestar Galactica, I’ll post my wishlist of what I’d like to see.

  1. I’d like Tigh to continue to be a drunk. A real substance abuser doesn’t kick the habit easily and he has every reason to be plastered. His wife is a ho, the commander has been shot and he’s not ready for command.

  1. I’d like Tigh’s wife to remain a ho whose motives are unclear, but I don’t want her to be a Cylon. People can be evil without being Cylons.

  1. I wouldn’t mind seeing some people who aren’t military and aren’t in the government. How does a Boxey make it through the day?

  1. I’d like to see an episode where the POV shifts from the main characters to a regular person. There was an excellent episode like that in Babylon 5 where you got to see the goings on through the eyes of two janitors.

  1. Billy and Dualla suck. Kill them both.

  1. More of Lt. Gaeda. I like him.

  1. Make Chief Tyrol interesting again.

  1. Make sure Baltar stays funny. He started getting sleazy toward the end.

  1. Bring back Callie, Tyrol’s assistant. She reminds me of so many enlisted women.

  1. Laura is no longer the kind but strong leader she was in the mini-series. She’s weird and drugged up and she reminds of someone I know and it creeps me out! Make her nice again. Or at least something closer to sane.

  1. More flashbacks. I dig backstory stuff presented in flashbacks.

  1. Number Six is starting to get tired. Something has to be done about that.

  1. Apollo is not likeable. That has to be fixed. For better or worse, he is supposed to be the main character.

  1. Do more stories about the psychological effects of the destruction of the Colonies on the survivors, and less on the religious stuff. I strongly feel the writers haven’t fully thought out the mythology and beliefs of the world they’ve created and they could paint themselves into a corner.

  1. They should remake at least two of the original episodes, just to throw a bone to the longtime fans. They probably can’t do the overtly good vs. evil Count Iblis episodes, but everybody wants to see Commander Caine.

  1. Helo and Boomer’s hybrid baby is such a stupid idea. I don’t know how they can solve this bad plot development.

  1. Let Tom Zarek remain a complex character. Don’t let him be obviously evil.

  1. The rift between Starbuck and Apollo must be healed. They don’t have to sleep with each other, but if they don’t like each other, there’s a problem with the show. I don’t know how they’re going to fix this. Things between them are really ugly. And it’s not as if she can “unfuck” Baltar.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Separated at Birth (5)

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On the left is Vicente Fox, President of Mexico. He likes the racist Memin Pingiun comic book character.

Best quote: "Mexican immigrants do the jobs even BLACKS don't want to do!"

On the right is Snidely Whiplash, an evil Canadian who likes to tie Dudley Do-right's girlfriend, Nell, to the railroad tracks.

Best quote: "Curses! Foiled again!"

You make the call.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Separated at Birth (4)

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On top, Dr. Sivana, mad scientist and enemy of Shazam (AKA Captain Marvel).

On the bottom, Dick Grasso, former stock exchange bigwig.

You make the call.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Separated at Birth (3)

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On the left, enigmatic master trumpeter Miles Davis.

On the right, enigmatic Jedi Master Yoda!

You decide.

[Check those foreheads!]

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Mexican Stamp "Honors" Sambo Character

Mexico, our great neighbor to the south, issued a series of stamps last week in honor of a "beloved" cartoon character, "Memin Pinguin," who is, frankly, a fuckin' sambo!

Judge for yourself:

In a surprising move, the Whitehouse actually called Mexico out on the obvious racist nature of the stamps, but the statements fell on deaf ears. Mexican President Vicente Fox reportedly said that the character Memin "promotes family values."


I found a guy on eBay selling the Memin comics and I found the gem depicted below.

Is it just me or does it look like the black monkey-child is in the process of being forced to go down on a dog in a public park?


The comic book below is not vintage, by the way. It was printed in 2002. The Memin comics have been on sale in Mexico since the '40's.

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Mr. Bigot's Neighborhood

What a fine premise for a reality show! A group of mean white people get to decide which poor family -- African-American, Hispanic, Asian, gay or white trash -- gets to live in their upscale neighborhood!

Isn't that great? There's nothing more heartwarming than watching marginalized people bojangle for bigots so that they can have a decent place to live.

Well, someone informed Andrea Wong (she should be fucking ashamed), head of alternative programming at ABC, that housing discrimination is against the law and this show sends out the wrong message, so ABC pulled the plug in the face of a lawsuit.


Read more

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

NYC 2012. No!

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The International Olympic Committee is meeting in Singapore to choose the host city for the 2012 Summer Games. The decision will come down in about 10 hours.

I so don't want the games here in New York, primarily because this will surely disrupt transportation, but in addition, haven't the Olympic games been in North American too often? Hopefully Brazil can get its act together so that the games will be in South America at least once before they stop doing this. As for Africa, well, unfortunately only South Africa can handle it. And who would benefit from that?

Between the Summer and Winter games, the Olympics have been in North America seven times since I was born, with another one in Canada in 2010. Enough already.

Summer Games:
1968 - Mexico City
1976 - Montreal
1984 - Los Angeles
1996 - Atlanta

Winter Games:
1980 - Lake Placid
1988 - Calgary
2002 - Salt Lake City
2010 - Vancouver

Monday, July 04, 2005

Shanghai Bootleg

Jeremy from Shanghai picked up a bootleg Revenge of The Sith DVD and discovered that the dialogue had been translated from English to Chinese back to English, with results that are too ridiculous for words. It's kinda Yoda, kinda Jar-Jar.

Some examples:

Right off the bat, the names are wack:

Anakin: "Gold," "Great hopeless situation warrior"
Obi-Wan: "Ratio the tile"
The Emperor: "West Leader"
The Jedi: "The hopeless situation elder," "The Presbyterian Church"

[Note: I don't think that calling the Emperor "West Leader" and the Jedi the "Presbyterian Church" was an innocent mistranslation, do you?]

=== Scene in Padme's penthouse ===

Padme: "Annie, I want to have our baby back home on Naboo. We could go to the lake country where no one would know. Where we would be safe. I could go early and fix up the baby's room. I know the perfect spot, right by the gardens."

Chinese to English translation: "I living the child's time you must at home. Make the home a little bit more safe. I can breakfast for the new house that baby tidy up it. It has a great father. A great hopeless situation warrior."

Anakin: "You are so beautiful!"
("The beauty that you are like this")

Padme: "It's only because i'm so in love."
("I let me become the beauty to your love.")

Anakin: "No, it's because i'm so in love with you."
("Not, I love you love deeper.")

Padme: "So love has blinded you?"
("Your meaning is a love to tie up you.")

Anakin: "That's not exactly what i meant."
("That is not my meaning.")

Padme: "That's probably true."
("At least I say to half.")

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Made by the church?? Is that like when you're "made" by the Mafia? Posted by Picasa

Sunday, July 03, 2005

If I’m Ever the Mentor

In the spirit of the Hero, Sidekick, True Love and Evil Overlord lists, I’m working on my “If I’m Ever the Mentor” list. This stuff is harder than it looks! This is what I’ve got so far.

  1. If I’m ever the mentor, I will make myself look presentable and approach my prospective protégé’s parents/guardians with a resume and suitable references so that I am not mistaken as a hobo or a pedophile and chased off the premises.
  2. If I’m ever the mentor, I will remind myself that “because I said so” is rarely a suitable answer to a question for anyone over the age of six.
  3. If I'm ever the mentor and someone tells me my apprentice is destined to become a disciple of evil, I’ll make every effort to steer him/her away from this fate, but when they go over, I won't take it personally.
  4. If I’m ever the mentor I will tell my protégé whatever secrets about my past or the protégé’s past that may impact our goals at the earliest reasonable opportunity and avoid telling outright lies that will forever taint our relationship.
  5. If I’m ever the mentor and I realize that my protégé is more than I bargained for, I won’t be too proud to ask my mentor(s) for help.
  6. If I’m ever an evil mentor, I will never teach my apprentice everything I know.
  7. If I’m ever an evil mentor, I’ll make sure that at least one of my apprentice’s enemies is secretly my friend.
  8. If I’m ever the mentor, I will remember that if my protégé is a young orphan, he/she will likely look to me to be a parent -- so I’d better be ready to handle that role too.
  9. If I’m ever the mentor, I will remember that if my protégé is an orphan, somehow, someway, a relative will show up. And he/she will likely be bad news.
  10. If I’m ever the mentor, my training program will consist of realistic benchmarks that my protégé will be made aware of at the outset. I will employ the “do as I do” rule and demonstrate what I expect my student to accomplish and then let him/her attempt it. If I can’t do what I’m asking my student to do, my student has every right to treat me like the fraud that I am.
  11. If I’m ever the mentor, I will remember that all relatives of my protégé have an emotional hold on him/her that cannot be underestimated, regardless of their character.
  12. If I'm ever the mentor, I will not commit suicide to inspire my apprentice. I can teach him/her just as well -- if not better -- if I'm alive.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Separated at Birth (2)

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On the left is Loki, trickster god of the Norse pantheon and a general pain in Thor's ass.

On the right is Ron Reagan, president Reagan's son, MSNBC talk show host and possibly a pain in your ass if you're against stem cell research.

Separated at birth?

You decide.

[Thanks to P.C. for noticing this one. ]

Friday, July 01, 2005

Separated at Birth?

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On the left is Tennessee congressman Harold Ford, Jr. On the right is New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter.

Separated at birth... or clones?

You decide.