Apparently there’s a Star Wars fandom tradition of taking famous quotes from the movies and substituting the word “pants” to make them funnier. Yeah, I know -- what idle asshole starts these things? Nevertheless, some of the quotes really
are funnier when doctored:
Darth Vader: “General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault.”
Greedo: “Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.”
Leia: “You came in those pants? You’re braver than I thought.”
Yoda: “Judge me by my pants? And well you should not!”
See what I mean?
I’ve discovered something -- these lines take on even more disturbing meanings when you substitute “brother(s),” “negro(es)” or the “N” word for “pants.”
If you are easily offended, don’t read any further!
Observe:
Luke: “I used to bullseye brothers in my T-16 back home. They’re not much bigger than 2 meters.”
Han Solo: “Lock the door.”
Luke: “And hope they don’t have brothers.”
Obi-Wan: “These aren't the brothers you're looking for.”
Princess Leia: “Alderaan is peaceful, we have no brothers!”
Obi-Wan: “Brothers can have a strong influence on weak minds.”
Wedge: “Look at the size of those brothers!”
Luke: “Fifteen thousand! We can almost buy our own Negroes for that!”
Luke: “Tell them if they don't do as you ask you will become angry and use your Negroes.”
Imperial officer: “How will the Emperor maintain control without brothers?”
Leia: “I happen to like nice brothers.”
Han: “Yahoo!! You're all clear kid. Now let's blow these brothers and go home!”
Obi-Wan: “...As if a thousand brothers suddenly cried out in pain, and then were silenced.”
Bartender: “Your Negroes, we don't want their kind in here, they'll have to wait outside.”
Vader: “I hope so, Commander, for your sake. Brothers are not as forgiving as I am.”
Everyone: “I've got a bad feeling about brothers.”
Dooku: “What if I told you that the Republic was now under the control of a dark lord of the Negroes?”
Padme: “I truly, deeply love brothers.”
Leia: “I'd just as soon kiss a Negro.”
Han: “Lando's not a system, he's a brother.”
Han: “There's no mystical energy field that controls
my brothers.”
Han: “Look, I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, Princess. I'm in it for the brothers!”
Elan Sleazebaggano: “Hey, want to buy some Negroes?”
Obi-Wan: “You don't want to sell me Negroes.”
Elan Sleazebaggano: “I don't want to sell you Negroes.”
Luke: “But I was going to go to the Toshi station to pick up some brothers.”
Anakin: I heard Yoda talking about Negroes. I was wondering... What are Negroes?
Qui-Gon: “Negroes are microscopic organisms that live in our blood cells.”
Bar thug: “He doesn't like brothers... I don't like brothers either!”
3PO: “You will be thrown into the pit of Negroes, where you will be slowly digested over a period of a thousand years...”
Vader: “I want those brothers, admiral, not excuses!”
Yoda: “When gone am I, the last of the brothers will you be.”
Yoda: “Around the Negroes, a perimeter create.”
Jango: “I'm just a simple Negro, trying to make his way in the galaxy.”
Obi-Wan: “This little brother's not worth the effort. Let me get you a drink.”
Vader: “She must have hidden the brothers in the escape pod. Send a detachment down to retrieve them.”
Qui-Gon to Jar-Jar: “You hear that sound? That's the sound of a thousand bad Negroes heading this way.”
Qui-Gon to Boss Nass: “I saved his life; he owes me what you call a life debt. Your gods demand that this brother belongs to me now.”
Holo-Luke to Jabba: “I seek an audience to bargain for Captain Solo's life. In exchange I offer you a gift, these two Negroes.”
Anakin: “I saw your laser sword. Only a brother carries that kind of weapon.”
Watto: “No brother is worth two slaves. Not by a long shot.”
Luke: “Your over-confidence is your weakness.”
Palpatine: “Your faith in brothers is yours.”
Lando: “Attention. This is Lando Calrissian. Brothers have taken control of Cloud City. I advise everyone to leave before more brothers arrive.”
Darth Sidious: “This is my Negro, Darth Maul. He will find your lost ship.”
Obi-Wan: “Your Negroes are very impressive. You must be very proud.”
Yoda: “Mmm. Lost his Negroes, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing. How embarrassing!”
Obi-Wan: “Just relax, concentrate.”
Anakin: “What about brothers?”
Obi-Wan: “Brothers seem to be on top of things.”
[In the speeder, while chasing the assassin]
Obi-Wan: “You know I don't like it when you do that.”
Anakin: “Sorry, master. I forgot that you don't like brothers.”
Obi-Wan: “I don't mind brothers, but what you're doing is suicide.”
Anakin: “You're going to pay for all the brothers that you killed today, Dooku!”
Obi-Wan to Luke: “Don't recall ever owning a Negro.”
TK-641: “Stop those brothers! Blast 'em!”
Piett: “But, sir. The Hoth system is supposed to be devoid of Negroes.”
Yoda: “Always two brothers there are, no more, no less.”
Vader: “Tear this ship apart until you find those brothers!”
Han: “Chewbacca here tells me you need Negroes.”
Luke: “Those brothers are too strong for blasters!”
Mon Mothma: “Many brothers died to bring us these plans...”
Lando: “Someone must've told 'em about my little brothers at the Battle of Tanaab.”
Obi-Wan: “Myself, the boy, two droids... and no Negroes.”
Luke: “Have you been in many brothers?”
3PO: “Several, I think. Actually, there's not much to tell.”
Leia: “Aren't you a little short for a brother?”
Vader: “Your brothers are weak, old man.”
Leia: “Didn't we just leave these brothers?”
Vader: “Several brothers have broken off from the main group. Come with me.”
Leia (or Han): “I love Negroes.”
Han (or Leia): “I know.”
Dooku: “There are no Negroes here that I am aware of. The Geonosians don't trust them.”
Taun We: “And remind them -- if they need more brothers, it will take time to grow them.”
Yoda: “Brothers! Heh. A Jedi craves not these things.”
Yoda: “Luminous brothers are we, not this crude matter!”
Han: “Yeah, but brothers don't tear people's arms off when they lose.”
Queen Amidala: “I was not elected to watch my brothers suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee.”
Mace Windu: “You refer to the prophecy of the brother who will bring balance to the Force?”
Obi-Wan: “The Negro is dangerous; they all sense it, why can't you?”
Obi-Wan: “You were right about one thing Master. The brothers were short.”
Nute Gunray: “Of course you know our brothers are perfectly legal.”
Watto: “What do you think; you're some kinda brother waving your hands around like that?”
Watto: “I'm a Toydarian. Mind tricks don't work on me. Only brothers.”
Watto: “And no one else has Nubian brothers, I guarantee you that!”
Qui-Gon: “I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as this Negro dispute.”
Jar-Jar: “Monsters out dere, leakin’ in here, all sinkin’ and no brothers? When are youza thinkin weza in trouble?”
Mace Windu: “I do not believe the brothers could have returned without us knowing.”
Ki-Adi-Mundi: “Impossible, the brothers have been extinct for a millennium.”
Qui-Gon: “They have brothers on Malastare. Very fast, very dangerous.”
Qui-Gon: “There's always a bigger Negro.”
Obi-Wan: “Mos Eisley Space Port... You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and Negroes... We must be cautious.”
Han: “I don't think the Empire had brothers in mind when they designed her, Chewie.”
Jango Fett: “Always a pleasure to meet a brother.”
Vader: “When I left, I was but the learner. Now
I am the Negro.”
Jango: “Do you like your Negroes?”
Obi-wan: “I look forward to seeing them in action.”
Han: “Still, she's got a lot of spirit. I don't know, whaddya think? You think a princess and a brother like me--”
Luke: “NO!”
Obi-Wan: “You must learn the ways of the brothers if you are to come with me to Alderaan.”
Han: “You tell that slimy piece of worm ridden Negro that he'll get no such pleasure from us. Right?”
Yoda: “Only a fully trained Jedi, with brothers as his allies, will conquer the Dark Side.”
Mace: “You know, m'lady, that Count Dooku was once a brother. He couldn't assassinate anyone. It's not in his character.”
Captain Panaka: “Her highness commands you to take her Negro with you.”
Shmi: “He knows nothing of Negroes.”
Qui-Gon: “Let’s get out of here before more brothers show up.”
Sio Bibble: “A communications disruption can only mean one thing. Brothers!”
Lando: “We'll last longer than we will against that brother! And we might just take a few of them with us.”
Leia: “But these are my brothers! Threepio, tell them they must be set free!”
Qui-Gon: “The ability to speak does not make you a brother.”
Luke: “You’re wrong, Leia. You have those brothers too. In time, you'll learn to use them as I have.”
Threepio: “I do believe they think I am some kind of Negro!”
Luke: “Your thoughts betray you. I can feel the Negro in you, the conflict.”
Lando: “Now lock onto the strongest power source. It should be the brothers.”
Moff Jerjerrod: “But he asks the impossible. I need more brothers!”
Yoda: “Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future… the past. Old brothers long gone.”
Vader: “If you only know the power of the brothers!”
Han: “Well, if they follow standard Imperial procedure, they'll dump their brothers before they go into light-speed and then we just float away.”
Han: “No, but he has no love for the brothers, I can tell you that.”
Luke: “But Master Yoda! How will I know the good brothers from the bad?”
Luke: “I'm not looking for brothers, I'm looking for a Jedi Master!”
Admiral Ozzel: “My lord, there are so many uncharted systems. It could be Negroes, it could be...”
Han: “Flying through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, Negro!”
Obi-Wan: “That's no moon, those are brothers.”
Threepio: “He says he's the property of Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Negro of these parts.”
Owen: “But the harvest is when I need Negroes the most.”
Grand Moff Tarkin: “Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate these brothers!”
Owen: “I have no need for a protocol Negro.”
Obi-Wan: “Your father’s Negro. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster. An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.”
Obi-Wan: “Brothers frighten easily, but they'll soon be back, and in greater numbers.”
Vader: “You are part of the Negro Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!”
Luke: “I've never seen such devotion in a brother before.”
Obi-Wan: “The brothers will be with you... Always.”
Obi-Wan: “Anakin's the Negro, isn't he? I'm so sorry.”
Obi-Wan: You were supposed to destroy the Negroes, not join them.
Obi-Wan: You were my Negro, Anakin, I loved you.
Obi-Wan: “Chancellor, Negroes are our specialty!”
Mace: “The Negroes will decide your fate.”
Palpatine: “I
AM the Negro!”
Obi-Wan: “Anakin, my allegiance is to the brothers...TO DEMOCRACY!”
Youngling: “Master Skywalker, there’re too many brothers. What should we do?”
Padme: “Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a brother.”
Padme: “To be angry is to be human.”
Anakin: “I’m a brother. I’m better than this.”
My favorite:
Han: “I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark brother, I see a big light brother.”
Most disturbing quotes:
Obi-Wan: “Why do I sense we’ve picked up another pathetic Negro?”
Obi-Wan: “If Negroes could think, there would be none of us here would there?”
Leia: “Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy looking Negro!”
Anakin: “I killed Negroes. I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals. I HATE THEM.”
And the best quote:
Obi-Wan: “Why do I get the feeling you'll be the death of a n*****?”
Anakin: “Don't say ‘n*****,’ master.”
