Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Stuff that doesn’t bother me: The Phantom Menace

Jar-Jar Binks: I just ignore him. Really, his antics aren’t that different than Threepio’s. The reason the audience hates him is because even the other characters in the movie don’t like him. At least Threepio has one friend, R2. After Episode 2, I see Jar-Jar as a victim. Despite having said that, I hope that he dies violently in Episode 3. That would be great.

Anakin Created C-3PO: It’s not like Anakin invented droid technology. Threepio was probably created from various off-the-shelf kits. It might not be much harder for him to build Threepio than for a present day kid to put together some Lego stuff.

Anakin Destroyed the Droid Control Ship: Is this any worse than a blind Han accidentally knocking Boba Fett into the sarlac pit? Or a blind Han shooting the tentacle that grabbed Lando’s leg?

Darth Maul got Killed by Obi-Wan: That’s Maul’s fault for fucking around. Instead of chucking something at Obi-Wan’s head while he was helplessly hanging off a peg in the chasm, Maul chose to stand there and gloat and tap the side of the chasm with his lightsaber. He had that fight won. You can’t fuck around like that. Obi-Wan can fight. He doesn’t suck.

The Jedi Council Rejects Anakin: Well, shit – they were right. If they had stuck to their gut instincts, history would’ve been very different. Then again, Darth Sidious would’ve probably just abducted the kid and raised him, and that would’ve been worse.

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