Sunday, July 24, 2005

Anecdotal Leads for News Stories Reporting the End of the World

There's always something weird McSweeney's site. This time he's posting bogus news leads for newspaper features on the end of the world.

After carefully parking his red Toyota Matrix in the lot outside Dick's Sporting Goods, John P. Boyce strode briskly into the West Burlington store.

He was looking for rain gear on a day when rain gear would not be enough.

'The prices are outrageous,' said Boyce, 58, of West Street, as he sifted through brightly colored slickers and tall rubber boots. 'Then again, I guess you could say it's a seller's market.'

An hour later, it was a nobody's market.

- - - -

Tamika Carter had dieted all spring to lose 28 pounds in time for the Independence Day weekend. She skipped lunches and jogged each night after returning home from her job at the Pancake Circus.

'I always try to lose weight before summer,' the 27-year-old Sacramento waitress said. 'You want to look good on the beach.'

But this summer, looking good on the beach would turn out to be far less important than Carter could have imagined.

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