If I’m Ever the Mentor

In the spirit of the Hero, Sidekick, True Love and Evil Overlord lists, I’m working on my “If I’m Ever the Mentor” list. This stuff is harder than it looks! This is what I’ve got so far.

1. If I’m ever the mentor, I will make myself look presentable and approach my prospective protégé’s parents/guardians with a resume and suitable references so that I am not mistaken as a hobo or a pedophile and chased off the premises.
2. If I’m ever the mentor, I will remind myself that “because I said so” is rarely a suitable answer to a question for anyone over the age of six.
3. If I'm ever the mentor and someone tells me my apprentice is destined to become a disciple of evil, I’ll make every effort to steer him/her away from this fate, but when they go over, I won't take it personally.
4. If I’m ever the mentor I will tell my protégé whatever secrets about my past or the protégé’s past that may impact our goals at the earliest reasonable opportunity and avoid telling outright lies that will forever taint our relationship.
5. If I’m ever the mentor and I realize that my protégé is more than I bargained for, I won’t be too proud to ask my mentor(s) for help.
6. If I’m ever an evil mentor, I will never teach my apprentice everything I know.
7. If I’m ever an evil mentor, I’ll make sure that at least one of my apprentice’s enemies is secretly my friend.
8. If I’m ever the mentor, I will remember that if my protégé is a young orphan, he/she will likely look to me to be a parent -- so I’d better be ready to handle that role too.
9. If I’m ever the mentor, I will remember that if my protégé is an orphan, somehow, someway, a relative will show up. And he/she will likely be bad news.
10. If I’m ever the mentor, my training program will consist of realistic benchmarks that my protégé will be made aware of at the outset. I will employ the “do as I do” rule and demonstrate what I expect my student to accomplish and then let him/her attempt it. If I can’t do what I’m asking my student to do, my student has every right to treat me like the fraud that I am.
11. If I’m ever the mentor, I will remember that all relatives of my protégé have an emotional hold on him/her that cannot be underestimated, regardless of their character.
12. If I'm ever the mentor, I will not commit suicide to inspire my apprentice. I can teach him/her just as well -- if not better -- if I'm alive.