Have you ever...

Have you ever...

-Snuck out of the house? No and yes. I usually don’t bother to say where I’m going when I leave. I guess that’s “sneaky.”

-Gotten lost in your city/town? Oh, hell yeah. There are vast areas of New York that I have never been to. I know little about the Bronx and Queens. There are vast areas of even Brooklyn that I know nothing about and have no business being in.

-Seen a shooting star? No, I don’t think so.

-Been to any other countries besides yours? Lots! Canada, Mexico, Cuba, St. Maarten, Barbados, St. Thomas, Nassau, Costa Rica, Panama, Guatemala, Brazil, England, Scotland, Spain, Portugal, France, Italy, Morocco, Egypt, Monaco, Germany, Sweden, Denmark, Russia, Finland, Korea and stopovers in Japan and Ireland.

-Had serious surgery? I had surgery to correct a deviated septum and I had my tonsils removed. I don’t think those are considered “serious.”

-Gone out in public in your pajamas? Yeah, in the Army my PT uniform was also my pajamas, so I did that all the time.

-Kissed a stranger? Practically everyone I’ve ever kissed was a "stranger."

-Hugged a stranger? Oh, yeah, at sporting events.

-Been in a fist fight? Yeah, I got in a brief “wrestling match” with a cousin once and I tackled and punched up a girl in the gym in seventh grade.

-Been arrested? Never. But I was once pulled over by the fucking cops in front of my own fucking house and asked, “What are you doing here?” Bastards.

-Done drugs? Never.

-Had alcohol? Of course.

-Laughed and had a fizzy drink come out of your nose? Yeah. I can’t remember the last time, though.

-Pushed all the buttons on an elevator? No, that’s dumb shit.

-Made out in an elevator? Nah.

-Swore at your parents? Shit, like every day! Not at my father, though. ;)

-Kicked a guy where it hurts? No. I would only do that if I also intended to kill him. People don’t forgive shit like that.

-Been to a casino? Yeah, there’s a casino on every cruise ship and I’ve been to Atlantic City, Vegas and either Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods -- I forget which. I’m not into it, though. I don’t like losing money.

-Broken a bone? Yes, I broke my left wrist when I was in second grade, I think.

-Been high? Never. Why so many drug questions?

-Skinny-dipped? No, I don’t like the ocean, and I don’t have a pool. If I had my own hot tub and high fences I might try that if there weren’t neighbors around. What the hell?

-Skipped school? Yes, in high school I did that to see The Empire Strikes Back, but I did that with my mom’s permission, so there’s nothing sexy about it. And I skipped numerous classes in college for various reasons. Usually because the weather was bad.

-Flashed someone? No.

-Saw a therapist/counselor? Uh, no comment.

-Done the splits? What does that mean?

-Played spin the bottle? Yeah, all kids do that stuff.

-Gotten stitches? I got butterfly stitches last year when I sliced my finger with a steak knife and they put stitches in my mouth after my wisdom teeth were extracted.

-Drank a whole 3 liters of milk in one hour? Who the hell would do that? I don’t drink that much milk in a year.

-Been to Niagara Falls? No.

-Gotten the chicken pox? Yes.

-Gotten them twice? No.

-Crashed into a friend's car? No.

-Been to Japan? Yes, but I didn’t get out of the airport. I was waiting for connecting flights to and from Korea.

-Ridden in a taxi? Of course! Shit, only some small town hick doesn’t need to take taxis on occasion! It’s not always possible to find parking when you’re going somewhere in New York. Not to mention, there’s never anyone to take me to the freaking airport.

-Shoplifted? Yes, I had a cousin and a friend who were both into that and each wanted me to go “boosting” with them. Like that makes any sense! You’re more likely to get caught when a bunch of you are stealing! So stupid!

I also remember stealing a pet rock from Lord & Taylor’s on a solo mission.

-Been fired? Yes, I was “let go” or “downsized” several times in the 90’s.

-Stole something from your job? Stationery-type shit. Pens, paper.

-Gone on a blind date? Every date I’ve ever gone on was with someone who was essentially a stranger. I mean, you don’t really know people.

Okay, fuck, maybe you do. I don’t.

-Lied to a friend? Yeah. People put me in funky positions and they don’t want to know the truth.

-Been to Europe? Yeah, several times.

-Slept with a co-worker? Only if your definitions of “co-worker” and “slept with” are very broad.

-Gotten divorced? Never been married.

-Had children? No.

-Seen someone die? No, I’ve seen people dying, but I wasn’t there when they actually died.

-Been to Africa? Yes.

-Driven over 400 km in one day? No, not as the driver.

-Been to Canada? Yes.

-Been on a plane? Many times.

-Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Yeah, but not the whole thing. It was boring.

-Thrown up in a bar? No, but I threw up on the subway platform about five years ago and everyone was so nice and helpful, when all I wanted to do was run somewhere and hide. They thought I was pregnant! So fucking embarrassing!

-Eaten Sushi? Yes.

-Been snowboarding? No, but that looks like fun. No one I'm friends with wants to do that. Sigh.

-Been water skiing? No, fuck that.

-Met someone in person from the Internet? Many people.

-Been moshing? No, screw that.

-Been to a motocross show? No!

-Lost a child? No, but I was lost in Central Park at Eeyore’s Birthday party. I didn’t feel that I was lost, though. I got under a dancing Chinese dragon and when I came out again I wasn’t where we started. I eventually wandered back to where my mother was waiting.

I know what you’re thinking -- what was a Chinese dragon doing at a Winnie the Pooh character’s birthday party? Beats the hell out of me.

-Gone to college/University? Yes, I went to MIT for my undergrad degree and to Pratt for my Masters.

-Graduated college/University? Yes.

-Tried killing yourself? In a passive way by going to clubs by myself, meeting up with strangers, driving to unfamiliar neighborhoods, etc.

-Tried hurting yourself? Yeah, I played with matches and stuck myself with pins. Adolescent and teenage angst shit.

-Taken painkillers? Yeah, after the deviated septum surgery and after two biopsies in the Army.

-Had someone cheat on you? Yes. Fucker.

-Love someone or miss someone right now? No and no.

-Fucked up school because of a problem with weed? No, I never did weed or any other drug, but because I’m black, no one fucking believes me.

-Owned an iPod? Yeah, I had a first generation 20 GB one which I sold on eBay a few years ago and I currently have an iPod shuffle. I like the Nano. I might get one of those.

-Fancy someone on your friends list? I don’t have a friends list.

-Kissed someone of the same sex? Girls do that shit, but I do try to avoid it.